


close to me

by carrionkid



Series: tumblr requests 2018 [4]
Category: Marvel (Comics), X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, M/M, Sappy, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-05
Updated: 2018-06-05
Packaged: 2019-05-18 17:07:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14856755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carrionkid/pseuds/carrionkid
Summary: ricstar and just some fluff? like they're veeery in love? Thanks!this is a request for anonymous on tumblr! it's just ridiculously fluffy and soft and has no angst at all and i'm sure it will kill you all more so than any of the angst i've written--Shatterstar is not one to see the need for endless communication. It is much easier to communicate through actions than through words. It has never been easy to articulate his thoughts and feelings into something that those around him can understand. He has many words, many quotes, but it is hard to string them together.Julio understands him the most, even then there are occasionally gaps. Shatterstar does not mind attempting to fill those gaps. He tries to speak a language which Julio understands, a language for just the two of them. It is a nice language, one which is softer than most of the ones he is used to.





	close to me

Shatterstar is not one to see the need for endless communication. It is much easier to communicate through actions than through words. It has never been easy to articulate his thoughts and feelings into something that those around him can understand. He has many words, many quotes, but it is hard to string them together.

 

Julio understands him the most, even then there are occasionally gaps. Shatterstar does not mind attempting to fill those gaps. He tries to speak a language which Julio understands, a language for just the two of them. It is a nice language, one which is softer than most of the ones he is used to.

 

There are many emotions with which Shatterstar has no practice identifying, no practice in communicating; love falls among them. 

 

There was a time in his life in which he did not understand love. 

 

There was a time in his life in which he did not think he  _ could  _ love.

 

It was an incorrect statement to say that he  _ could not  _ love, a fact which Shatterstar was happy to realize.

 

He found that once he began to look for it, love could be discovered everywhere. It was spread out through his entirety. It was not exactly new, just unfamiliar, something he was looking forward to getting to know. 

 

Even now, it is limitless and constant, underscoring every other emotion. The realization that more than one emotion can happen simultaneously was a strange revelation, but it is good to know that this isn’t interference or static, distorting his ability to feel.

 

Love starts in his chest, moving out and into his fingertips, down to his feet. It ebbs and flows, swelling to fill his ribcage with a feeling of tightness. Those are the times in which it is too much, in which he must get it out before it overtakes him completely.

 

The sensation is burnt off through small gestures whenever they are around others. Shatterstar does not like being watched, neither does Julio. Public displays of affection often lead people to watch and Shatterstar finds most typical ways of showing affection uncomfortable.

 

He knocks his hip against Julio’s side,  _ I love you, _

 

Drapes an arm over his shoulder,  _ I love you, _

 

Leans his head against Julio’s back,  _ I love you _ . 

 

They do not hold hands often, it is an activity for which very specific conditions must be met in order to be comfortable for either of them. That is okay.

 

At first, he was uncertain if Julio understood. Now it is clear. Whenever Shatterstar comes into contact with him, gentle nudges, careful leaning, Julio pauses his actions to smile.

 

“Love you, too.”

 

It is a quiet response, one solely for the sake of Shatterstar, one that is treasured more so than anything else.

 

When the feeling of constriction eases, Shatterstar feels whole again. It is not easy to be gentle, to be soft, but he is learning. Julio has even said that he does not accidentally leave bruises anymore, which is progress.

 

When they are alone, it is different. 

 

When he is with Julio,  _ just  _ Julio, Shatterstar knows it is a guarantee that the situation is safe. He is the one person to ever be awarded complete and utter trust. Julio is an anchor, has always been an anchor, will always be an anchor. Shatterstar is tied to him in a way that is not confining. He is not a cage, he is the one Shatterstar looks to return to no matter how far he may go. 

 

When they are alone, he does more. 

 

He wraps himself around Julio, trying to press his way to understanding. On good nights, he makes a home out of the warmth of skin against skin. It is not always comfortable to be so close, but the days in which Shatterstar wants to be in contact with Julio have begun to outnumber the days he does not.

 

Shatterstar knows that Julio loves him and Julio knows that Shatterstar loves him, but it is unclear if Julio loves himself. There is so much of this feeling within Shatterstar, buzzing just beneath his skin. If he gets close enough, if there is enough contact, perhaps some of that love for Julio will transfer over between them.

 

He works in kisses, something more recognizable as affection, trying to be soft for the sake of Julio. It is enjoyable, even if it is strange. Shatterstar knows what Julio likes. It is easy to watch for the way his breath hitches, when he flushes, when he relaxes. Shatterstar does not like having his neck touched, but Julio does, so he starts at Julio’s jaw, working down as softly as he can.

 

He likes the small noises Julio makes, little gasps and murmured words of affection. Julio talks at him, quiet and circular and always coming back to  _ love _ , fingers combing through his hair as he moves. He likes that he is the only one who knows how to get Julio to make these noises. They are only for Shatterstar, so few things are his and his alone. In return, he devotes all of his attention towards Julio.

 

He pulls Julio close to his chest, until their heartbeats sync,  _ I love you, _

 

Tangles fingers in his hair, pushing it back carefully to see his eyes,  _ I love you, _

 

Quietly hums against Julio’s skin, holding him as close as he can,  _ I love you. _

 

It is not something that is easy to say aloud. Shatterstar prefers action to speech any day, but this is a different kind of challenge when it comes to communication. His voice chokes up inside of him. It is impossible to put all of the sentiment within him into three single words. He has the words, has practiced them a thousand times over, but it does not feel as if it is enough. 

 

It is something that he never wants to stop communicating. He wants to make it known in a way that is not merely verbal, but tangible. He wants closeness and warmth more than anything he has ever wanted before. He wants Julio to feel that same warmth, that same wholeness in every touch. He wants to continue on and on and on until Julio finally understands how to feel the overwhelming, unchanging feeling of love for himself that Shatterstar is consumed with.

 

This is not a language most of the others can understand, but it is something  _ Julio  _ understands and that is enough.


End file.
